How to Light the Flames of Your Man's Dating Desires

While it’s important to know how to light a man’s fire, it’s also important to understand what douses his dating fires.

In our quest to find, attract, and keep our perfect partner, we often wonder what turns men on. And while it’s important to know how to light a man’s fire, it’s equally important to understand what will douse his Dating flames. By being clear about what kind of behavior turns men off, we can be better prepared to keep the sparks burning from our first encounter to happily ever after. What follows is a list of the top five male turnoffs.

Turnoff #1: Being Flaky. Guys tell us that one of the biggest turnoffs when Dating a woman is when she either can’t commit to plans or constantly flakes on plans. If you regularly pencil in your plans with a “maybe” and/or cancel plans at the last minute, you’re giving your guy the impression that he’s just tentative in your life, aka “maybe good enough for now.” Who wants to date someone who makes them feel as being temporary? Chances are you don’t, and you shouldn’t be the girl who makes her date feel that way also.

Turnoff #2: Very poor communication skills. Raise your hand if you’ve been this lady in your relationship past: your date/boyfriend said or did something you didn’t like, but instead of saying anything, you went along with it. You may have even said it was “OK.” But, at some point down the road, you got upset. Maybe you even kind of blew up at an inappropriate time, causing an argument that completely took your significant other off guard. Most of us have been guilty of passive aggressive behavior at least once in our former dating past. It can happen. But when you repeat that kind of behavior in any Dating relationship scenario, the only thing you’ll succeed at is sabotaging your efforts. Just as you deserve to be with someone who’s very comfortable communicating his wants, needs, and desires, you, too, should be a healthy communicator. Don’t say one thing if you mean another. Instead, get in the habit of saying what you really mean. Guys will appreciate that!

Turnoff #3: Not really playing fair. From your initial encounter to your first date and beyond, guys pay attention to whether or not you’re playing fairly. For example, you always expect the guy to come to your side of town, pick you up, open your door, pay the check, drop you off, call you the next day, and in general placate your every need without you so much as lifting a finger, you’re not dating fairly. More important, if there’s a disagreement and you don’t fight fairly, i.e., you throw things in his face, hold grudges, and insist on winning every argument, you’re going to be a very lonely single girl because you’re not playing fair. In the new millennium, chivalry also goes both ways and the dating game requires plenty of give-and-take. If you can be fair in dating times both good and bad, guys will appreciate you so much more!

Turnoff #4: Trying to always change him. It’s almost cliché how often in the media we see, hear, or read about a girl who tries to change her man. Whether it’s changing how he dresses, what he watches on TV, his manners, or his friends, the woman at the helm of all this change always will come off as a control freak. Don’t be that woman. Just as the guy in your life should accept you warts and all, you, too, should accept him for the person he is. And if you won't? Don’t date him. It’s can be as simple as that. The whole point of being single and dating is to meet a variety of different people, find out who you are as well as who your perfect partner might be, and eventually settle down with the guy who’s right for you. Rather than trying to change the wrong guy into Mr. Right, why not keep playing the field until you meet that special someone who’s far from perfect but whose imperfections you have no desire to fix? (He’s out there — so keep looking!)

Turnoff #5: Ultimatums. Nothing will turn a man off more than a woman who gives him an ultimatum. Not only are they not sexy, they’re really ineffective. Healthy and happy relationships don’t need ultimatums. When you’re regularly communicating your needs to the person you’re in a relationship with, ultimatums are usually unnecessary. It’s when communication breaks down, when one person feels his or her needs aren’t being met, or when the relationship isn’t going in the direction one had hoped or at the speed one had anticipated, that ultimatums are then usually issued. A huge turn-off, ultimatums are always a tricky relationship tactic and should be avoided always.

So there you read it — the top five male dating turnoffs. By understanding the dating and mating behaviors that can shut men down, you ultimately master the art of how to turn the right guy on. Good luck and happy dating now!

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